Missing The Office...Kinda

Every once in awhile, someone I know gets a fantastic job. (This is a lie, this seems to happen all the time!)

I even know a few people who have gone through quite a few jobs that I felt would have been perfect for me! I felt ENVIOUS of these people. Most of them are friends. (Looking for new ones? Here are some tips!) 

I start to question everything that I do, and who I am. I'm not perfect. I gave up trying to be. There is no such thing. I just go day to day. I think as a mom, especially one at home, that's all you can do. 

As news of these great jobs pop up, for some reason, I start to scour the newspapers and internet. I start actively "looking," obviously with no intent. A few times, I had even caught myself almost full fledging preparing my interview questions in my head.

This is HARD for me. I'm a recovering workaholic (pre-children). Most of these other women have children who they put in full-time day care. This is what they want. This works for them. 

This doesn't work for me. I still want to be home with my kids. They take priority over anything that a regular job could ever offer. I sometimes, just feel caught in the middle. Work limbo. I guess, I'm just being HONEST.

There are things I MISS about an office. I miss the interaction with adults. I miss the pressure of deadlines. I miss the successes. I miss the fun lunch dates (sans kids) where we act like women off of Sex and The City (because we're obviously successful business women...not because of the other part). I miss the collaboration, and the traveling. The meeting new people and the helping to solve problems. I loved the challenges and the dares. I miss the paycheck. I even miss my performance reviews. 

I don't think I'm crazy to say this. 

What I DON'T MISS is the office cattiness, or cliches. I don't miss the drama that gets brought in from home. I don't miss working with hateful people. I don't miss the late nights, weekends AND holidays. I don't miss accounting for every second, of every minute, of every day. I don't miss the days that are boring and dull. I don't miss being inside, all day long. I don't miss sitting for 8 hours a day. I don't miss doing someone else's job, and not getting credit or being paid for it. I don't miss the paycheck. (Money isn't everything.)

Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job I've ever had. I understand the lure of working outside the home, because of this fact. Any job, besides this one, is probably EASIER! (Especially on the days when you have two sick kids, or children who are teething!) 

Everyone tells you that this is a thankless job, and it really is. Ever googled "Benefits of a Stay at Home Mom?" Its a joke. Really. There really isn't much said that doesn't seem generic. The one I see all the time is "Your kids aren't as sick, but they get sick once they go to school." If that were a recruitment poster, or a slogan, no one would sign up.

About once a year, someone does a study that says, "If we were to pay a salary to a stay at home mom it equals $112,962 (2012)." (THIS MADE ME FEEL AWESOME FOR A WEEK!)

But, then the glory fades if you google, "Benefits of a working mother." You'll find just about any and everything you can imagine as to why it's amazing and that you SHOULD work. Lots more studies on why being a working mother is right and best for you and your children. With all those positives, who wouldn't sign up?

I wish someone could give me a performance review once in awhile to tell me, in SPECIFICS, why I AM doing a good job. 

I hear this generic phrase A LOT, "You're a good mom, because you're at home." Just because I'm home, doesn't mean that. This isn't universal. This isn't one size fits all. But tell me that I'm doing great, because of specifics. (I'm a woman, I need all the juicy details!)

My 'campaign' or 'project' doesn't come with a lot of people stopping me on the street saying, "Heck of a job you did! Thanks for raising your kids!" I have to wait a little longer, to find out the results of how good of a job I did. They aren't a television commercial, or building being constructed, where you see instant results. I'm in this for the long term pay off.

Right now, I have different successes. Unlimited hugs and kisses, words, and milestones. I get to be there for them. All of them. I've never missed a milestone because I was working. I know all their favorites. I know and speak their language. 

I also have the opportunity to help others more often. I get to volunteer. There is never a dull moment. I'm never stuck sitting at a desk for longer than I want to. (I still have bills and budgets to do.) We go for walks all the time. We learn. We have different types of challenges and dares every day. Travel is reserved for something special. I get to do lunches, they are rare, but usually reserved for picnics with my kids and someone willing to subject themselves to the mess of it all.

I'm doing MY job. I enjoy it. I love it. Some days are harder than others. I'm not saying this is for everyone, and I'm not saying anyone else, ever feels the way I do. This is just me.

I hope that some day, when I return to the job market (hopefully as a motivational speaker, or book writer), that when someone glances at my resume and sees that I've been volunteering and raising my children, they'll give me a chance. 

They'll understand the worth and the values I have and uphold, to take on such a large project, for no money, and to see it through. Whole heart and soul. They'll understand the sacrifice of nights, weekends, and holidays. They'll understand the sheer discipline needed to make it through. They'll know I'm tough and determined. They'll know they can count on me. That I can do it. Because, right now, I AM doing it!

To live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

Titus 2:5