I've Changed My Mind

Over the past year, well, really two years, I've been under going a caterpillar like transformation.

I've become an adult. Like, a real one. Having children, buying a house, being married-the whole package. Um, reverse that order.

I've also learned that I've got incredible power and strength. I've found out that I'm an amazing person. I'm not saying this to sound arrogant or proud, I'm saying this because it's true of all of us!

I noticed during the beginning parts of being a mom, when all those sleepless nights seemed to drag on for weeks, months and even years, that I just kind of was lost.

I felt at times, I wanted to be joyful, but found myself being hateful and jealous instead.

I would see photos of other people on family vacations on Facebook, and as much as I wanted to be happy for them, I just sat there and was just so jealous!

Jealous is an evil thing. No good comes from it. I am a big runner, so let me put this analogy into a form that I can relate.

When I found myself in jealous feelings and thought, I realized that, for me, it was like running circles around a track. The two mile, or even the one mile run around the track, just kind of sucked for me. 

The two mile was always the first even at our track meets. This event always seemed to be the one no one cared about, and honestly, I always kind of felt like someone was just kind of laughing at me as I would pass them and do laps.

Just like a track, running circles in a hamster wheel gets you no where.

Jealous is a lot like that-you keep circling around and around and around. You keep seeing the same things and keep feeling the same things and it never gets better. You're in the unloved event. Sometimes it seems like it's the most pointless two miles ever. 

Every once in a while, you'd have a friend try and cheer you on for a few laps, but they never really stayed for the whole course. I can't say I blame them. It gets old.

So does feeling and thinking jealously.

I've learned on those days, when I was running around the jealousy track, that Bitterness and Hate would always show up to be my only cheerleaders. The Enemy at his finest. You know, when that's who you have cheering you on, you find that you will run yourself into the ground. When you cross the finish line and turn back to look at them, they're both just standing there clapping their hands, laughing at you. See it doesn't bother Bitterness or Hate. In fact, they loved it! They knew the longer you circled around that track and them, the worse off you'd feel when you finally stopped, and they knew exactly how you'd affect everyone else in your life because of it.

They're really sneaky. 

I was absolutely tired of letting something so small and insignificant steal my joy. Besides, there will always be someone who has a "nicer" house, "better" car, "more talent," and so on and so forth.

Besides stealing my joy about life, I noticed that I was poisoning my relationships around me. I wasn't being thankful for the amazing job my God does at providing for us. I wasn't thankful to husband for all his hard work, that he does every day.

I needed to start transforming my mind! I found Dr. Caroline Leaf's program-The 21 Day Brain Detox. Wow! I watched this video on her first, and I was just floored. She explains amazing scientific discoveries in a very simple way!

The toxic thoughts we have in our brains, like jealousy, hate and all the rest of the negative junk, affect our brains AND bodies in a negative way! But, we as amazing, God created beings, can actually change the way we think!! We are not victims about how our brain thinks, WE CONTROL OUR BRAINS! Not the other way around.

I thought, "This is exactly what I need!" I started this program two months ago and I have absolutely noticed a huge difference!

I have been able to completely kill of those thoughts of jealousy. I have noticed that I am so much happier for EVERYONE! Including myself.

I can see people that get a new home and think, "That's just so awesome for them! They totally needed it!"

Someone else gets a new job I can easily say, "I'm so thankful that God blessed them and they have something so wonderful!" And most importantly, I sincerely mean all of those things. I can say it with a heart filled smile. It isn't generic. It is genuine.

Day by day, with her program I totally started to see myself killing all these nasty things.

Again, using a running analogy, I ran cross country as well. With feelings and thoughts of Jealousy, it was like running two miles around a circle track. You never went anywhere. You just finished and felt tired and exhausted and just "Eh."

But, after starting and finishing this program, I noticed that it was a lot like a cross country race. I may have run two miles, but I got to see so many cool things along the way. 

Beautiful possibilities of countryside.

Sometimes, when I was running, I would find myself so amazed at the landscape that it was hard not to be drawn to the beauty of the countryside. Or laugh at a cow that you'd just passed by!

In cross country races you'd find yourself running up and downhills, around buildings, going here there every where! Kind of like a Dr. Seuss book. I remembered when I finished the race I had such a sense of accomplishment and it was always fun to see all the different people cheering you on! No one got bored watching you run circles, no-your friends would run to keep up with you! They'd race around the track to keep cheering you on.

When you were done, you were smiles. You knew where you started and you knew exactly how far you'd gone. 

That's what this program does. It takes you on a journey-it helps you conquer your hills and it cheers you on along the way. I makes you enjoy the journey and discover things along the way that make you realize how awesome and how much power you really have!

Additionally, you help to change the people around you. When you start to become a non-jealous person, filled with positive thoughts, you attract more people to you. People who want that feeling too!

I'm already almost done with my second toxic thought and I can't wait to just keep continuing my positive journey! Life doesn't seem to be the rat race it once was. I have an incredible sense of peace now. Joy. God has truly blessed me and my family! I have fully started to appreciate all his Glory and Wonder for our lives and those around us! What an amazing thing to feel.

If you are struggling with these same types of thoughts, try this program! I promise you, you will see the difference in your life!!!  This might be one of those things that I need to "giveaway," on my blog, because this is really what my life and journey on here has been all about.

Be the change that needs to happen. Be the change for someone else. Let's help each other!

Have you had thoughts that you've struggled with that just affect your whole life? Your relationships? Do you ever just feel tired of thinking and feeling that way? 

I'd love to hear your stories or comments. Have you heard of her program and tried it?

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We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)


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Woolzies Dryer Balls Review and Giveaway!

*I was allowed to test the product for free, in return for giving an honest product review. Here it is. Enjoy!

*Update: Giveaway is over, but stay tuned for more!*

Woolzie's Dryer Balls

I was so excited to test out this product for several reasons!

The first one is obvious, it's natural. No chemicals, just wool balls that will soften your clothes naturally.

Second, was that it says it will cut your dryer time down, saving time, money and energy!

With those two reasons alone, I was thrilled!

My husband is a power lineman. He works on the power lines and extremely high voltage. His work clothes are FR (Fire Resistant). If you are familiar with FR clothing, you know that any chemical fabric softener isn't supposed to be used on the clothing, because it can counter act the FR and even fuel a fire . (I got that off of the website, it's serious business.)

They arrived very quickly and were just as promised. All natural, wool balls!

They are about the size of a baseball. The kids thought they were fun toys. I had to keep tracking them down all over the house to put them back into the dryer.

After about two weeks of testing them out I have discovered that I REALLY LOVE THEM!

They really do make your clothes soft. I thought because of the size of them, that it would sound like a canon going off in my dryer, but honestly, there isn't that big of a noise difference. If you have ever put a tennis ball in your dryer, you'll know it's very loud. I was expecting the same noise with these balls, but never heard it. They are, for the most part, quiet. The noise level definitely varies by the load size, but nothing ever made it sound like there were tennis balls bouncing around in there. 

I noticed the definite decrease in dry time when it came to my blankets, and larger loads. With having a front loader washer and dryer, sometimes my sheets and duvet covers get really twisted and take about two hours to dry. I usually end up having to pull them out, pull them apart and keep trying to dry the sheets. With the Woolzies, I did have to separate them once, but over 90% of all the sheets and covers were already dry. (That NEVER happens!) The only spot that was still wet, was where a few pillow cases had crawled inside of my duvet cover and had gotten twisted up. Obviously, not a flaw of the balls.

My husband's work shirts came out so nice! They were soft and free of wrinkles and chemicals! Definitely, DEFINITELY better than air drying them.

I will say that the only down side of the dryer balls, is that they are not a static eliminator. The box says it is a static reducer. They are pretty honest about that. I'm not sure what a normal size static load is, but when I pulled out the blankets, there was definitely a noticable amount of static. 

This is not a deal breaker for me, though. They are wonderful to use, and are safe.

The kids like to help with laundry and kind of play with the balls as they fall out of the clothes we fold.

They have easy maintenance and will last you for 1,000 loads of laundry.

If you're thinking of making the switch, don't think too long! It's a great investment.

PLUS--If you able to wash your down/alternative down comforters at home, these are WONDERFUL!! Once you wash the comforter, it is recommended/suggested that you have tennis balls (or in this case Woolzies) to help fluff your feathers/comforter back up to normal. Two birds, one ball! (Ok, it's six balls, but you get the idea!)

They cost about $35, and they ship worldwide! If it seems like a bit of a pricy investment, look at your dryer sheets box, or your fabric softener. I believe you get around 120 Loads for about $10 a bottle/box of fabric softener sheets. That's adds up to a LOT MORE than $35 for 1,000 loads.

For one lucky reader--I get to share a box with you! (Well, not share-you get to enjoy your own box thanks to Woolzies!)

What a great way to kick off the Memorial Weekend!

Share, comment, like, you know the regular giveaway stuff! God Bless to all!


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My Love Language...

I'm alive. I've been busy. Isn't that our life story? Sometimes, I can't even remember what we've done that keeps us so busy. Oh well.

I do have one thing that I can share with you that has kept me busy. I have been reading lately. (I really do enjoy it!)

I've heard this book title whispered around a little bit, and then I heard it used directly around Valentine's Day. 

The book is called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. 

Have you heard of it? You might have.

Now, before you go thinking this is just a book for someone in a relationship like marriage, you're wrong. This book, has several different spin offs, but will basically apply to EVERY relationship you have. Friendships, co-workers, moms/dads, siblings, and children. Basically, if you have a relationship with ANYONE, you can use this!

What really sparked me into reading the book, was a men's discussion panel for Valentine's Day. Several women/mom's asked a panel of men what they would really value or treasure as a gift. While, each one had their own answer, one man's in particular was very interesting to me. He said, "You need to know your husband's love language. Mine for instance is spending quality time, which means sitting on the couch watching TV, not saying anything."

This, sounds like my husband. Then I got to thinking, is it really that EASY? Maybe this would be the one step that could really help take our relationship, and all my relationships, to the next level.

Let me just tell you, it's a small book. But, it packs quite the punch. There are Five Love Languages. 

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

Essentially, we all fall into one of these categories. 

I've always seen these pictures or posts or comments about how sexy women find men that vacuum the house and do laundry or wash dishes are. I never understood that. The reason I don't get that, is because that isn't my love language. That would be considered Acts of Service. While I think that stuff is great, I also think it's part of just being a couple.

After taking the quiz, I found out that I scored really high in Words of Affirmation and Gifts. Which, is really, two of the things I probably request and ask more than anything.

It made me also realize that the Gifts one is huge to me. I spend a lot of time thinking about giving people gifts, looking for gifts, finding surprise gifts, and what would make a just for fun gift, for anyone. Could I say the word gift anymore?

But, I also realize I scrutinize gifts that I/my children, get just as much! For me, gifts speak a lot of love. When I open a gift, I realize at that moment, how much that person really thought about me. How much that person really showed they loved me. Now, that's NOT to be confused with being expensive or having to have a lot of money spent on me. 

Just knowing that someone took the time to get to know me, my personality, my likes, life, and then created/found a gift that fits me, is just incredible! 

This fills my love tank.

My husband, was a little bit of a surprise. The book talks about how the things one often complains or nags about, tend to show you what their love language is. Even how someone tends to just act towards you. We tend to mirror the love language we are expecting.

I thought about my husband a lot, and before he took the quiz I had pretty much figured out what his love language was. Or thought I had them both figured out. I was almost 100% correct.

His major love language is Acts of Service. Having dinner ready for him, washing his clothes, running errands, washing his truck, cleaning the house-these all showed him love. Made him feel secure. He always does this stuff for me, so I could tell this was going to be one of his big ones.

He will make me breakfast, he will clean my car, he will change the oil and rotate the tires, and he will even clean the house.

His second one, was actually a surprise. He likes gifts and quality time. The quality time one, wasn't the surprise. He tends to be the kind of man that just wants me to hang out in the garage with him while he works on his dirt bike, or shows me his new welds. He always likes to show me stuff he's doing and complains that I'm online too much when we are watching TV together. Yep, quality time is one that didn't come as a surprise to me.

Gifts and my husband. Two things I NEVER thought would go together. He's never really one for giving me gifts, but also, when I give him gifts (even the ones he will specifically ASK me to get for him) he just never seems to be to excited about it. I guess that just goes to show you, there are always new things to learn about the loved ones in our life!

We've been applying these things to our life on a daily basis now. I have to say, it takes a lot of the guessing out of what will work and what doesn't. It's actually been quite a relief! I now know, what I can do to show him, I love him. He's been doing mine as well. It's been so amazing!

We finally speak, the SAME LANGUAGE!!!!

After we took our quizzes, I actually have asked several friends and family members to do the same. 

My mom, turns out, is an Acts of Service person. My sister is just like me. There is no better way to show people you love them by speaking their language.


If you don't want to buy the book, and I do encourage it, then go to this link and take your profile quiz! Find out what your language is! You might be surprised.

The 5 Love Languages Profile Quiz


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"You obeyed the truth and your souls were made pure. Now you sincerely love each other. But you must keep on loving with all your heart."
1 Peter 1:22 (CEV)

Check out some of my other posts!

Getting out of the routine to build a healthier marriage!

Kids Domestic Play Passports! Get Real Stamps!

Surprise others with your kindness! Watch it spread!

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Child Birth: The Natural Way

The miracle of child birth. It's a pretty amazing and spectacular thing. 

It's also one of those topics like breast feeding vs bottle feeding, cloth diapers vs disposables, natural vs epidural/c-section, etc. It tends to stir up a lot of opinions and stories.

I had both my children the natural way. Well, I was induced with the first one and opted for no pain meds. The second one, I went into labor naturally and had her with no pain meds.

I struggled, when I was pregnant, to find anyone who was a real person, that could tell me how to go through it. I wanted some honest stories about what to expect and what they used to cope.

I don't have any photos of me doing it. These guys look way better than me anyway!

Most people couldn't really tell me anything. I found some solace with Ina May Gaskin's Guide To Child Birth. She's delivered lots of babies. I mean LOTS! She was also very honest. I found that there were a few pieces of information in this book that really sped up my labor process and helped to change my frame of mind. 

I have several people in my life who are currently pregnant. A few I know, are planning to have a natural labor and delivery. I've tried to be honest with them about what to expect. As I was telling my story for the second time, in about a week, I thought it might be nice to share with all of you. So, here it goes. My honest, true, story!

First off, it does hurt. Everyone has different degrees of pain, so to answer how much, is kind of hard and difficult. Also, every one's labor is different. With my son, I had all back labor (this is the kind you don't want!). With my daughter, it was just regular contractions. Also remember, God designed us to do this. He'll help you through this!

I had two, six-hour labors, with the deliveries of both my children. Like I stated before, with my son, I was induced. My water broke at noon and six hours later, he arrived safely.

With my son's delivery, I felt that I had missed out on something. I didn't get to experience the exciting rush of, "Honey, it's time to go to the hospital, we're having the baby!" I guess I've seen too many movies, and I felt, well, cheated out of that birth experience. I know that other mothers have felt the same way in regards to having an unplanned c-section. Some where along the lines, they felt they just missed out on the child birth experience. And, it's understandable, and totally normal.

With my daughter, however, I was bound and determined  not get induced. With her, I had, had contractions on and off for a full day. Because I had missed out on this with my first one, I felt like a new mom. I had contractions four minutes apart, but they didn't really hurt. I didn't want to go to the hospital to be sent home (I've heard a few mom stories about that too, and I didn't want to be embarrassed by being sent home either!).

I was lucky enough to be around two, off-duty doctors who basically told me that if I could easily walk through and talk through my contractions, because they weren't really causing discomfort, that I was fine not heading to the Labor and Delivery ward right then. I needed to go when I couldn't easily talk or walk through the discomfort or pain. (We live 5 minutes away from our hospital, and I totally understand that there are towns with people, who have to drive an hour or more to get to their hospital for delivery.)

With my daughter, I hopped into the shower, and it instantly kicked my contractions into hyper drive! I was having some intense, cramping pain, that I no longer could talk through so I knew it was time to go.

Upon my arrival with her at the hospital, I was at 5 cm dilated. Whoo hoo-half way done!

With both kids, I used the hot tub method to deal with the pain and discomfort. Also, squatting like a little frog, helped a lot as well!

I didn't have a birth plan, other than to just get through it without meds. If music would have been playing in the back ground I could have honestly told you I wouldn't have heard it. 

With each contraction, your natural instinct is to almost tense up and "fight through it." It hurts. Imagine the worst menstrual cramps ever-then magnify it. By A LOT!

However, the tensing up, counteracts the whole thing. The best things I got out of Ina's book, was that you need to mentally tell yourself that this needs to happen, and that you're "opening up," and that you're not fighting it! Pretty much need to keep that taped to your head and have your coaching partner repeat that to you. Your cervix needs to open! Period. Try and work with it as much as you can and when it's over, rest. Try not to focus too much on the last contraction.

I'm going to say that this was 99% mental. Women have been having natural child birth for centuries. (Your mother probably had you this way-you'll have a new respect for her after your children are born.) We were blessed/cursed at the same time with this. You see, we are strong enough to endure this (and forget all about it!), and repeat it!

The contractions get more intense after your water breaks. With my son, I actually heard a little 'Pop!' After that, I felt a gush, like I had accidentally peed my pants! Thank goodness I was in the hospital gown (which by the way--don't waste money buying a cute fancy gown, because birth is MESSY!!!!!!).

With my daughter, I was sitting in the hot tub and kind of a felt an extra surge of water, and looked down and saw I definitely had my water break. (It's not just clear water that comes out, it comes with either red blood, or can look kind of greenish. If it's greenish, the baby has had a bowl movement inside you at this point. You can learn more about that later.)

At that point, you're headed toward the final stretch.

During the time between 7 cm and 10 cm, for me, was the most intense. I started to shake with adrenaline and get really hot. I also started to throw up and go potty, because it was my body's way of getting ready for the final push (pun intended!). This was also where the contractions were coming really fast and hard. With that, also meant, they were intense in pain. I would sway my hips, I would try the ball, I would try just about everything to get through each one. I even stopped talking for a period of time (which, for anyone that knows me, is pretty much a miracle!).

I should also mention, that at this point, if you're modest about being naked, in front of anyone, you won't be. I was literally naked with both children, from that 7cm point on and I didn't care who saw me. My focus was directed entirely on something else. I also had my children during shift change, so there was literally, about 12 people in my room.

If you can imagine, 12 people (adults) in a room, with me naked, and they are all staring at your bottom, waiting for your little miracle to arrive. That sounds weird, but you don't even notice they are there and you don't CARE!

Pushing went pretty fast for me. About 15 minutes for each kid. I have that personality that when I'm done, I'M DONE! When I was told it was time to push (and trust me you'll know, your body will start to do it for you), I was like a sumo wrestler taking a stance. I HAD, HAD ENOUGH OF THE PAIN. I put my game face on and I was ready to go!

If you need tips about pushing or are interested in knowing what that is like, ask around. Or send me a private message. I'm always honest and willing to share.

In the end, once that little awesome, amazing, miracle's head and shoulder's pop out, the pain is gone. Seriously. It's instant. You don't really have to worry about the placenta either. That will pretty much just slide right out and you don't have to worry about that, and you don't even notice, because you have a baby in your arms. Or he/she is being passed around the room being checked by nurses and doctors. What an amazing distraction, huh?

Basically, what you need to know is this. YOU CAN DO IT! Don't focus on the pain, focus on the part that you've been building up too-your baby! Keep the mental part about trying to not counteract the contractions fore front! Read Ina's book. She has so much to share on it. Really, can you ever be overly, mentally prepared? I don't think so!

Hope you've found this helpful. If it's a friend, or a sister that is about to go through this, be a champ and have something waiting for her at the end. Champagne, her favorite candy, a gift certificate for a mani/pedi! She's a hero-even though she doesn't get a badge, she's just done an unbelievable, amazing job, bring a life into this world. She should be celebrated too!

Need more ideas or tips on that upcoming arrival of a baby? Check out my post here! 

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He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Isaiah 40:29






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A Valentine's Gift for Him! YOU!

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Why in the WORLD, is she talking about Valentine's Day already, when it's only January 14th. It's still a month away!"

Well, my dear sweet friends. I wanted to give you time to pull it off!

We don't really go all out for Valentine's Day, because it also happens to be right around my birthday. I usually get to celebrate one or the other. Also, for some reason, my husband usually has to work around that same time. So, it truly ends up being either birthday or Valentine's.

For me, finding a gift for my husband, seems kind of difficult. I seem to struggle all year to find something that he might want, enjoy and even USE! 

For Valentine's Day though, I really wanted to step it up. I wanted to give him a gift that I knew he would REALLY LOVE! I wanted to give him the gift of me!

For awhile there, I've mentioned before, that we kind of got into a rut of things. Moving, new jobs, different places, no friends, struggling with this that and the other. Not to mention, having kids! Boy, it does a number on you. Mentally, physically, and of course, the EMOTIONS! I kind of let myself go. I was that woman who like literally lived in yoga pants and a pony tail. 

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it. However, a wise girlfriend of mine, from Texas, once said to me, "Every once in awhile, you gotta step out of the work out clothes for your husband." Amen, sista! Amen!

Two back to back pregnancies can really throw a wrench into your wardrobe. 

But, my husband needed to see the other side of me. The wife side. Not just the mom side. After all, when our kids are grow up and leave the house, it'll be just he and I. So our relationship is the one that really needs to last.

For his Valentine's Gift, I stepped COMPLETELY out of my box. I figured if I was going to give him me, I was going to go all out and do it right! His gift:Boudoir Photos of me. 

I don't like porn and I don't agree with it either. With that being said, I wasn't about to portray myself as that TYPE of person either. I wanted something classy and tasteful done. Something that could potentially be looked at as art. Honestly, nothing that different than wearing a swimsuit. Whatever I was comfortable with.

I booked it a few weeks out and planned to have a light spray tan (it is winter!) and I had hair and make up done.

My photographer was amazing! Not only was this a gift for him, but honestly, it was a gift to myself. I needed to be reminded that I was beautiful. That I wasn't JUST the yoga pants and ponytail gal. That I was beautifully made. That I was perfect. My photographer gave me so much self esteem, that I should have paid her double. In fact, I offered to pay her to just follow me around and say all the sweet things she did about me!

How many times have you left a photo session and just felt empowered? Radiant? Self Assured? Wanted? Amazing? I can tell you, I left this one, feeling that way and more! She literally helped to change my mind set on a lot of things. Positivity, grows positivity. If you let it.

If you're looking for a wonderful self esteem booster, DO THIS! It seems a little unconventional, but each woman is beautiful and amazing! We weren't mistakes, we were beautifully made! Embrace who you are, and be proud of it! There is no such thing as perfect.

When I left my little photo shoot, I told myself that if I could find one photo that I liked, then it would all be a success. These are different from family photos. These are photos that bare just you. You have to be able to look at yourself, and say, "Wow! God did some great work on me! I am beautiful!"

Also, cautiously, don't be vain about this either. This isn't about being a narcissist. This is about loving yourself as a person, and respecting yourself. When you stop focusing on all your bad traits and start loving and working with all your good, your life can transform.

OK, enough with all that. I'm going to show you some photos from my session. 

Also, if you're looking for other ideas, go to my Boudoir Board on Pinterest. I did a lot of searching when I was considering these. There are a lot of classy, tastefully done photos out there. For women of all shapes and sizes! Trust me, he'll be absolutely BLOW AWAY! In a good way, of course!

Plus, 30 years from now, when I look back, I'm so glad that I'll have taken these photos. If anything, to just capture my youth! Remember, I turn 30 this year. The BIG 3-0!

A big Thanks to Jen Swedhin Photography! For doing such beautiful, amazing work! Also, for making me feel amazing and beautiful-stretch marks and all! You have a gift, my friend! Keep using it-you're spreading encouragement and love, every where you go!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

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Marriage: Our House Fire

The past few years have been difficult for me and my husband.  Moving, meeting new people, lots of changes-good and bad.  Creating a family. This is all tough. So tough, no one likes to talk about it.

When you get married, you dream about your life together and how wonderful it will be to have your best friend with you through it all.  You have arguments and little tiffs here and there, but you think that's about as bad as it'll get.  You think, and probably say often, no matter what, we'll have each other.  

As I write this, I'm smirking.  I wish little 'tiffs' were the worst of it. Wouldn't we all be so lucky?

I've noticed little patterns in life.  Perhaps you have too.  It usually all starts around college or early twenties.  People start to pair up.  Engagements get announced slowly in your circle of friends and family.  Then it's followed by wedding, after wedding after wedding.  

Then, the other big announcements start.  "We're expecting!"  Again, the same pattern starts to emerge. One after one, friends and family start having children.  Some couples have one, some two, some three, and some are hoping for a basketball team. (These people are amazing to me!)

It seems that right around this time, we start to hear the other big, surprise announcements.  "We're separating......," and then sometimes, more often then not, "We're getting a divorce."

When I was younger (because this pattern isn't new, it's been around for decades), I used to think these people fell out of love with each other, or they weren't sole mates.  Perfect couples (always on the outward appearances only) separating because they fell out of love. This breaks my heart. 

I've never been divorced, but I can easily see how it can happen.  My husband and I feel victim to THE ROUTINE.

When you have a newborn for the first time, or the fifth, routine is strongly encouraged.  We had one with both our kids and still do today. Studies show that routines make infants/babies and children feel safe.  They know what to expect, this calms them and puts them at ease.  I know it makes me feel the same way.  Every night, at bath time, I feel a sense of relief.  I have made it through another day, everyone has, and we're all still alive. 

But, in our marriage, we fell victim to it.

During my pregnancies, we became so focused on kids.  After the first two, we were focused on the, "Are we going to have more and when?"  This seemed like a 100-pound weight we'd carry around.  A lot of times, grudgingly. 

We stopped talking about "us," we stopped dating, stopping doing things together, stopped talking almost all together. Our world centered around our kids. We fought, A LOT!  Mostly about not spending time with each other and how neither one of us could understand what the other was going through.  

I would get angry and hang on to everything until I finally couldn't take it anymore, and I would Anger Vomit (Spew all the negative things from my mouth) all over him. He would hold everything in and just never talk about it. He, more often than not, would just leave.  Arguing isn't really his style-he hates yelling.  Our communication skills had dropped to below zero.

So there we were.  Three years of a life of this.  We co-existed in our routine.  We never really wanted to address the big issues, the issues that drew us into fighting.  The issues of us.  As long as the boat wasn't really rocking, we both just seemed comfortable being, well, roommates with children.

Get up in the morning, breakfast, kids, snack, work, lunch time, naps, play time, make dinner, come home from work, work out (maybe), bath time, and finally bed time for everyone.  Weekends were a nightmare.  But this was our life, for three years.

I don't have the personality or belief, to get a divorce. Plus, I still loved my husband. Dearly. Honestly, it's because I am so stubborn about not getting divorced, that I decided to reach out. I reached out to friends. Quietly. I went in search of dear friends who knew, or had seen things between us, that wanted to help.

I mean, when you've gone this long and this far, WHERE DO YOU START?  How do you break free of the ROUTINE? 

We started with a book.  What a magical, wonderful book it was! This should be given to everyone around their third or fourth year of marriage. It's called The Love Dare. If you know ANYONE struggling, get them this book! I have loaned it out a couple of times now. We loved it. It was our first step.  We also bought the movie, Fireproof. It's based on The Love Dare book.  If you can get through the cheesiness of it, the point of the whole thing is amazing. It is honest. It is good.

Forty Days of Dares. Most of these are so easy, that it is hard to believe that you didn't think of them yourself. There are also some that are challenging, but worth doing. Marriage is a marathon. It's these little workouts, over the course of a few weeks, that help re-trained us into being a couple again.

We started to talk to one another. We started to ask questions. We started learning. We started dating. Starting setting alone time just for us. We fell in love all over again, and this time it was an even deeper love. The last year and half have been a lot of work to gain back what we've lost.  But this has been so rewarding. 

We love our family, no question, but when our children are all grown and gone, we want to be able to still be together.  I've heard statistics that the fastest growing age of people getting divorced are people in their late 40's and 50's. Couples who raise their children together, and then go their separate ways.

We are starting to really have fun together. This is so important, not just for our marriage, but our children. We want to show them what a good, strong marriage can look like. How to love their spouses. How to make marriage work. Marriage may not be easy, but what in life is supposed to?

I look back now and I am so thankful for where we are.  I am thankful that I can fully appreciate my husband for who he is and what he does for us. I am thankful for my marriage. I am thankful for my family. 

Everyone has a fire at their home, but depending on how they react to it, determines if it means a total loss, or just a little singe.


Our little singe has reminded us of what is truly important in our short lives. Love. More importantly, OUR LOVE.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:8

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