Monday, October 8, 2012

I'm a Her: Saying Sorry (Part 2)



Yesterday, I talked about dealing with the Her's in your life. Sometimes, you just need to vent, or find someone who understands what you might be going through. But, now let's dig into the big stuff.

Today, I'm sharing about, how I WAS one.
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”  Corrie Ten Boom

I went through a really dark time in my life. I was really mean, and spiteful. Honestly, I was probably EVERYONE's HER. I deserved it. I know I lost a lot of people during this time. But, I was definitely a person who was tough to be around.

I did get help though. I really did. I'm so thankful for the anti-depressants I started taking. I no longer have to take them, but they were blessing. They helped to change my life, back to the me, I knew.

But once you get yourself stable, you still have to deal with your mess that you leave behind.  I hurt a lot of people. I said and did a lot of things that weren't good. I felt bad. REALLY bad. 

My actual text message to a hurt friend.
I'm not sure why as parents, we really focus on making our kids say they're sorry, when we as adults, rarely seem to be able to do it. I think this is taken to be a sign of defeat. For me, it was embarrassing. But, it needed to be done.
I read a book called, The Resolution For Women. (They also have a men's version of this that I HIGHLY recommend for anyone. I actually preferred this version to the women's one.) I really enjoyed it. Though, it didn't answer all of my questions, it definitely answered enough. I knew what I had to do. 
I needed to ask for forgiveness and give closure to the people I had hurt. 

When you think back on things, most of the time, wouldn't it just have been nice to have an apology for hurt feelings? An apology to just clear the air, one that really meant, I'm sorry? I think so.

I think back to times when I was younger and in school. I was picked on, a lot! For many different reasons. Bullying seems to be a big issue today for parents and kids. I know today, that if someone would say, "Sorry for what I did," it would probably make me cry. But not of sorrow, but just for clearing the air. Starting over. Feeling that sense of release. Apologies are for healing.

I made a list. Seriously, of all the people that I had on my heart that I felt the need to apologize to. These are the people I felt I had done something to wrong them. 

One by one, I went down that list. Some people I had really lost touch and it took some searching. Others I found quickly. Some people were still friends with me today. I am very lucky.

I even did a few face to face apologies. Those were tough. Those were the ones, where my face went red, I almost couldn't make eye contact, and I was full of shame and embarrassment. I was humbled, to say the least.

A few of the "friends," I had lost, that I had apologized to, reached out. One was so shocked, she responded back and we talked for almost two hours on the phone. I'm not sure we'll ever talk again, but there isn't any regret now lingering on my behalf. She got closure as well. 


Not everyone took it well. One person ignored the apology completely. That's ok. That's for them. Not everyone can just be ok with an apology. Sometimes, it takes time. I'm ok with that, that's their right, to do with the apology as they please. Again, you can't change people, you can only change yourself.


"I'm sorry for the way I acted and treated you. You deserved better." Powerful words, huh? A few of those people were family members, who also got an, "I love you."


I have to say that I'm thankful for having a chance to do this. I take my relationships so serious now. I don't take people for granted, or I try not to at least. 


I've been at both ends of the spectrum. This side, is definitely better. I'm not saying everyone should turn into a Her to have to recover from it, but if you know you have been someones Her, you know you have steps you can take to heal the hurt.


Have you ever felt the need to apologize? Have you ever done it? What are you waiting for?


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Let all the bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Pin It

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